last night
--
i stepped out of my car
into the early night
maggy and atticus
hesitantly followed me there
into the dark and ghostly mist
i could not see the distance
laced with trees
only the shadows i felt
lurking inside of me
i traveled by memory
the gate
the fallen tree
the deep deep leaves
it was quiet
just the occasional
siren blaring
on the closest road to me
off somewhere
past a forest of trees
i thought
i should be afraid
out here in the foggy murk
what if bad things lurk
out in front of me
the fog rising
in this moment
i was to be so contrived
and my most absolute energy
that reeks
with being so so alive
i had to tug on the leash
occasionally
i felt apprehension
in the odd feeling
of unknown
in this place
i knew so deliberately
so i kept going
and found
an unusual peace
in the quiet mist
a tip toe through
the hope of grace
a trust
that the universe
holds on to me
in a time
when we must guard ourselves
to stay alive
to not even slightly
dare to die
rendering not even
a slow goodbye
the time was old
my footsteps new
traveling in awareness
where apathy
would never ever do
i circled the moon
and walked anew
the one streetlight
a lighthouse
in the blackish blue
i saw my car
by the pasture gate
the dogs perked up
quickened their pace
i took a deep breath
and whispered to myself
i made it here.
and looked up again
i stopped to pray
oh we can not really be
near the end
when my foot path felt
as it’s always been
the beauty
of my fallen yin
tomorrow i start
an empty new year
to change my life
and quiet
all that rumbles restless
in my head
and all the unknown
i’ve come to fear
darkness
that i’ve come to love
will never ever
leave me here
without
a second chance
in rising tides
to ebb and flow
above the fray
above the mess
we humans
have so sadly made
i circled the moon
and walked anew
where apathy
would never ever do
~ patty
photo by jurgen heckle on flickr
